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Not that I suppose it really matters. But apparently Cancer Blogs are now all the rage, and may even have significant therapeutic value in combating the disease. Of course, I hadn't really thought about any of this when I started my blog. It just seemed like a very logical and rational thing to do, both in terms of communicating with my many friends about what was happening in my life, and also a natural extension of my life as a writer. My two biggest problems? The constant pressure to remain optimistic and upbeat in these posts (Tigger rather than Eeyore) often leaves me feeling a little grumpy. And likewise, the time I spend posting here often seems to cut into time I might otherwise have spent writing in my personal journal, or working on other writing projects (including other blogs).
But these are small worries. It's good to feel the pressure to be upbeat, and thus resist the temptation to wallow a bit in the warm bath of self-serving cynical disappointment. The Slough of Despond is hardly the healthiest place to spend a holiday. I also feel a little uncomfortable reading ahead in the blogs of others, and worrying about what awaits me down the road as my own illness progresses. Right now I'm feeling pretty good -- with the exception of my almost constant fatigue. But my pain control is good, and I'm feeling a lot more ambulatory (and thus a lot more mobile). I just miss having my family around, since I can generally count on them to push me around and get me out and about in ways that I still don't really feel comfortable asking volunteers from church or even my closest friends.
Suppose that's it for now. I really am looking forward to the start of church again in just 18 days...but I'm also a little worried about everything that needs to happen between now and then as well. Not that it all needs to happen all at once! I think this year it will be enough just to get off on the right foot, and to keep moving forward in the right direction, one step at a time, one foot after another. That's what Covenant is all about, right? Walking together. Walking humbly with thy God. It's almost as good as "a good walk spoiled."
Or who knows? If we practiced our praying as much as our putting, it could be even better.*
(*said by someone who is still stuck in a wheelchair, and wondering whether he will ever putt again....)
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2 comments:
I've been reading and I think blogs like this are helpful and healing all around.
I am sorry you feel "constant pressure to remain optimistic." I, for one, would be fine with self-pity and fear now and then! I think those of us who are learning from you could learn from that truth too.
But of course, you know your audience and your hopes for the blog better than anyone. I just wanted you to know that at least one reader has no expectation that you remain cheerful...
Add my voice to Sean's here. Honesty is the best policy for finding out who are your true friends.
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