Sat down the other night to try to watch the DVD of Michael Moore's award winning film ""Sicko," but had to switch it off after only a few minutes...it was just too depressing and discouraging, especially for someone in my situation. Sure, I know the Health Care system sucks...mostly because it is really more a Health Care INDUSTRY now rather than an actual system for providing effective and affordable Health Care, which of course drives most health care Providers crazy with frustration, requires patients to learn patience, and generates a lot of profit for big pharmecuetical companies, and health insurance companies, and hospital holding companies, and...well, enough of this tired old rant. Turned the movie off, thanked God for the excellent Health Care I'VE received during my year-long (and still going strong) illness, and all the kind, caring, devoted people I've met along the way. I just wish everyone could enjoy the kind of health care I've enjoyed over the past 12 months. And that it was more affordable for everyone.
Also noticed in the elevator that next Thursday we will be holding a "Service of Remembrance" here for the 16 members of this community (14 women, and 2 men) who have passed away in the past 6 months. The gender ratios are somewhat reflective of the general population ratios here; lots of the men have passed away long before their widows found their way here. Still, you have to wonder -- with a general population of 139 residents, what does it mean to a community like with one to lose 10% of its residents every six months? So far for me these are all just the names of strangers, but that won't last forever. I've made friends now in the six months I've lived here, and statistically I know that sooner or later one of them is going to show up on that list. And then another, and another... It's the price we pay for the gift of life itself.
Maybe that's why I'm finally beginning to fear death. Instead of saying "goodbye" to this one or that one, someday I'm going to have to say goodbye to everyone and everything I have ever known. And I'm not looking forward to THAT sense of loss one little bit.
And then there are the more common fears: of losing my lucidity, of simple physical pain, of no longer being in control of my faculties, and being completely dependent upon others until "at last God calls me home." Except that right now I feel perfectly at home right here on earth. hummm....so maybe that's the part I really need to work on now. And thank God I'm in the perfect position to do just that.
About Me
- The Eclectic Cleric
- Portland, Maine, United States
- Born and raised in the Pacific Northwest, sailing summers in the San Juan Islands and warding off the gloominess of the incessant winter rains by reading voraciously and drinking more than my fair share of Seattle's Best espresso. Five (count 'em) college degrees, making me an honest-to-God Crimson Dawg Duck Beaver Viking. Have served Unitarian Universalist congregations in both Midland Texas and on Nantucket Island (which made the 2004 election VERY interesting), as well as numerous other smaller UU fellowships along the I-5 corridor in Washington and Oregon. More recently, I relocated from the affluent faux rural suburbs of "the Neighborhood of Boston" (just beyond the Old North Bridge and through the woods, about five miles from the site of Thoreau's cabin at Walden Pond), to the bustling shores of Casco Bay at the southern edge of "Down East." But my ministry at the First Parish in Portland ME was cut short by a diagnosis of Lung Cancer in February, 2008. I currently live outside of Sacramento CA, retired with a permanent and total medical disability, as I battle with my disease and continue to ponder what God has in store for me next.
6 comments:
Don't fear death. Rather, give it a swift kick in the pants!!!
No way to ignore the truth -- the situation really sucks.
Fight it off as long as you can, buddy. When the fight is no longer worth it to you, I hope the rest of us will be able to honor those feelings, too.
That's the original meaning of "decimated," losing 10%, especially population, or an infantry unit, or one's hair...whatever. Decimated sounds mild in the framework of investment losses lately, but when it comes to people in a community, well, it's a lot. Glad you can honor those who have gone.
My understanding is that "decimation" was originally a punishment used in Roman Legions in which every tenth man was executed in order to discipline the entire unit for offenses like cowardice in the face of the enemy. As a commander, you couldn't really afford to execute the ENTIRE unit. But one in ten was probably enough to get the nine survivors to fight a little harder the next time....
Tim
If you have time for reading--I've always found this site stimulating and enlightening!
http://enowning.blogspot.com/
Ever thought about a CAT???
Cheerfully, Roger
wow...executing one in ten sure would motivate me!
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