Father's Day

And just enough time here for a little light ramble before supper. Been thinking a lot about Fatherhood this Father's Day -- my own father and grandfathers, and what they taught me "by precept and example," and how that has shaped me for good or ill; my own role as a step-father to two pretty remarkable children now turned young adults; the many mentors I have enjoyed, both men and women, who have helped guide me in my life both personally and professionally; and my own gradual adjustment to that role in the lives of others, and how rewarding that has been in its own right. And I don't know that I have anything especially profound to add to the public discussion of these issues; my thoughts and experiences are pretty mundane and run-of-the-mill I should think. I have once again been truly blessed by the generosity of others, for which my ONLY appropriate response is one of gratitude.

But the main thing I've been thinking of is how the fundamental asymmetrical nature of the mentoring relationship is both a blessing and potentially a curse, depending on how well healthy boundaries are respected. The potential for abuse is staggering. But when we recognize that boundaries are both the place where we meet as well as the border which allows us each to maintain our own integrity...well, it costs so little to be a mentor (take a genuine interest, be generous and available, but never meddle or -- God forbid! -- manipulate...especially in the decision-making process), and yet it means so much to the protégé. And likewise, mentors get so much back from the relationship as well, while all the protégés have to do is be honest to themselves!

And in many ways it's the same for Parenthood, although much more intense. One of the strange fringe-benefits of my illness is that I've been spending a lot more time together with my Dad, whom I have rarely seen for longer than a day or two at a time since leaving the Pacific Northwest for Graduate School in 1978. In that same period I spent LOTS of time with my Mom: lived with her on several occasions, traveled with her in Europe and around the US -- that sort of thing. So spending this time with my Dad has been a real gift, which I hope we will both be able to enjoy the benefits of for a long, long time.

So two cheers for Patriarchy...and let's just try to work out that last little bit among us so that everyone feels OK and harmony in the family can be restored. And Happy Father's Day everyone!!