THE LONGEST NIGHT OF THE YEAR

I know it's been way too long since I last posted here; no excuses, really, other than the same old ones I've always used: I'm sick, I'm busy, I've got a lot of other pressing priorities which conflict with spending the time I need to writing here. Big excitement this past week has been learning, literally a day late and a dollar short, that my tiny little Eastern Massachusetts Unitarian Universalist Ministers and Employees Group is going to be changing their Health Insurance carrier from Harvard/Pilgrim to Blue Cross. I'm not at all happy about this, because from my perspective Harvard/Pilgrim has always been an EXCELLENT Health Insurance provider, and with the exception of the out-of-network second opinion I received at Sloane Kettering, I've never had a hassle with them. And who knows? Blue Cross may turn out to be just as good. But changing ANY insurance plan at this point of my life is going to be a hassle: now I'm probably going to have to go back and get all new Primary Care Physician referrals, and re-preauthorizations for my CT scans and other tests...it's just a big pain in the tuckus which frankly I didn't need.

In any event, I still feel very fortunate to have health insurance at all, and am so grateful for the care I have received from my physicians and other health care providers, as well as the support of my friends, family, colleagues and congregation; it makes it easy to feel optimistic, even in the midst of this dark and gloomy season of the year. Delightful Solstice service yesterday, BTW, all planned out by our Minister of Music Charlie Grindle and Ministerial Support Team member Kitsy Winthrop. My contribution was limited to welcoming the visitors at the beginning of the service, and supervising the announcements, as well as assisting with the collection of the offering, which included a "special" offering we were trying to keep secret from someone in the church. I'll know Christmas eve whether or not we actually pulled that one off. I'll be so excited if we do.

People have either been asking how I feel, or commenting on how good I look, and the truth is yes thanks both -- I've been feeling absolutely fantastic these past few weeks, ever since we juggled the meds for controlling the side effects from my first round of chemo, and it makes such a huge improvement in my quality of life. I'm sleeping better too, and having my Dad here to chauffeur me around makes all the difference in the world. Last night almost seemed "normal" -- after church we came back home and kicked back for awhile, then around 4 PM went out for pizza at Bonobos (where I used to spend almost EVERY Sunday evening last winter) where I had a hot cider instead of what would have been my usual cold microbrew, and enjoyed a Pepperoni pizza while my Dad had Caesar salad and a slice of my pie. Outside the blizzard raged, but we were warm, snug and cozy across from the woodburning pizza oven, and were safe home again by 5:30.

It's not really a new lesson, but it's something that I find continually reinforced again and again by my illness, especially in this season of contemplation and renewal. If I can just learn and remember to let Life come to me, rather than constantly striving and grasping for the things I THINK I want or need, but which eventually prove hollow and disappointing... like I said, it's not a new lesson. It's probably the oldest lesson in the book. But it's an important lesson nonetheless, which brings together all those conflicting yet complimentary virtues: patience, persistence, tenacity, ambition, desire, gratitude, generosity, forgiveness, hope, aspiration, trust and confidence....Faith in its most pure and unadulterated form...Hey! -- what did you expect from a preacher anyway? Faith in its most pure and unadulterated form. No wonder I'm looking and feeling so good.