Maundy Thursday

Went in to see the Radiation Oncologist again yesterday for more tattoos -- (c.f. Saturday March 29, 2008 in the left sidebar), since Monday I start another 15 days of radiation treatment, this time on my right lung to see whether they can re-open the airway into that upper lobe and get it re-inflated. April seems to be becoming radiation month for me. Always a helluva way to begin the Spring.

Yesterday was also my exit interview with the District Executive, which was another big step forward in helping me to put everything in context here. If I could still count on living for another 20-25 years, I would have happily invested half of my remaining lifetime here at First Parish. They truly are a remarkable group of people, as well as everything anyone could ever ask for in a faith community, and I felt SO PROUD to have been called to serve as their minister. But knowing that even now, as a year-long cancer survivor, I only have a 25% chance of being alive five years from now, helps me see how maybe two years really was all the time I could afford to spend here. But hey? -- look how much Jesus got done in only three! And yes, there are a lot more things I would have liked to have accomplished here before I go...but I also have a lot of OTHER things I would like to accomplish before I REALLY go, and I think this is what a lot of people have been trying to tell me all along, and that it was really only my own misplaced sense of duty and obligation that was keeping me from seeing that clearly.

As for accomplishments here (one of the interview questions), I don't really know that I've accomplished anything that will last much beyond my departure, but I think the thing I'm most pleased about is what we've done with Sunday morning -- the way we've attempted to embody this notion of Radical Hospitality in everything we do, from the moment we meet people at the front steps to the time they exit the coffee hour. We truly have taken seriously this mission of becoming "A Warm & Welcoming Place in the Heart of the City," as well as "Portland's Original Faith Community (est. 1674)." I love the way that the Worship Service itself has come together around that vision as well -- especially last year, culminating with Easter Sunday (which I now realize could have easily been my "Swan Song" and a worthy one at that). A service which is easy to follow and welcoming to newcomers, but which still honors and respects the traditional worship space of our historic meeting house, and expresses those core values of Gratitude, Generosity, Humility, Service and Sacrifice (in the sense of "making sacred") Sunday after Sunday. The people here have heard this good news and embraced it, even embodied it -- which is as much as any minister might ask for.

I'm also proud of the way the Finance Council has come together, although I can't really claim any credit for that, other than getting all of the key players together in the same room (the central lounge at the Seaside Rehabilitation Center) on a pleasant summer evening. What a fantastic group of talented, intelligent, devoted, committed and hard-working souls! And what a blessing to know that I DON'T have to be involved in the day-to-day management of any of this, because it is all in much better hands than mine.

Talked a bit too about both the blessings and the trials of our "ministerial team" -- and how it somehow mysteriously morphed from a ministerial "support" team into a de facto ministerial replacement team. And how an abundance of good will helped to counterbalance a pretty significant diversity of vision and opinion, and how we made it all appear to work seamlessly despite of that, because of our respect for one another and our shared commitment to the good of the church.

And finally a lot of detailed information about various boards and committees, our "growing edges," and the like. And the truth is that I AM going to miss this place and these people very much, along with all the "lost possibilities" that leaving here represents. So many things I've had to sacrifice to this cancer now, and will never have a chance to do again. My wonderful West End walk-up apartment. Driving my car (and the independence that driving represents). My adorable little "Boston Terrorist" Parker. Binga's Wingas. Regular access to my study at the Eastland. My dream of spending a summer sailing "down east." The Sea Dogs. Working at the hospitals, the Historical Society, and the local seminary...working with local theological students, and perhaps even a resident intern. Becoming more actively involved in the local political scene, and watching this church grow, a few dozen members at a time, from the one hundred or so households it is today to whatever its full potential turns out to be.

That was the vision which brought me here, and was sustaining me here too -- along with the fantastic press we were getting the Portland Press Herald, about how this congregation had rallied around me to support me in my recovery from this illness and return to work. So many "George Bailey moments" in the past twelve months. And so much for the people who had already written me off for dead! I just wish that I knew I could count on having another decade here, or even another twelve good months. But I can't. I can't count on any of that. All I can do is act on faith, and trust that whatever God still has in mind for me to do, She will also provide me with the resources I need to do it.

Amen.

And Blessed Be...